PRIME SPACE
On the question of Interruptions
Episode 40
Elias Scultori, MCC
(00:03):
Welcome to PRIME SPACE, a PRIME Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori. Hello, coaches. Today, we are going to continue with the Coaching Myths Uncovered Series. This is a series of podcasts episodes that I am creating to talk about these myths in coaching that myths that we carry along. And this comes from a PRIME EVENT that Amy and I created a few months ago where we covered eight myths that perhaps we exist in coaching nowadays that we would like to uncover and clear up the air about them. If you want to watch the whole program that Amy and I did, the recording is in our YouTube channel, so please go there and listen to the whole program. But as I said before, during that time, during that event, we had eight myths to cover in one hour, and we were really rushing through the process and the concepts and trying to give as much content as we could in just an hour squeezing in everything that we could in just an hour.
(01:25):
So I thought it would be interesting for us to do a podcast series on them. A few weeks ago, I covered the first myth, which was coaches only ask questions. Is that true? So if you want to listen to that, that is episode 34 of our podcast, and it would be interesting to see what you think of that concept. The second coaching myth is coaches don't share information. I haven't created a podcast specifically on this theme, but oh boy. I think that I have shared so much in several episodes about the idea of sharing information, sharing observations, feelings, which is so much part of our core competencies, the idea of utilizing ourselves as instrument to support what's happening with the client. It's part of our competencies, and I have shared a lot about this in other episodes. You can listen to it in “The Hidden Power of Not Knowing” Podcast number 36, “Take the Can't Out of Your Coaching” podcast number 32.
(02:49):
And I'm positive that I shared a lot about sharing information in other podcasts as well because I'm very passionate about it. Coaches sometimes are shy about sharing what is coming to the surface within them, utilizing coaching skills. That's the question, right? It's not only that sometimes we are shy about sharing information, but oftentimes, coaches don't know how to share information using the coaching mindset, and that is a specific skill that I've covered in some of the episodes. It's also one of the modules in our level two program. We talk a lot about that, a very important skill and embedded in our core competencies and very important for us to have that concept and mystify this idea that we don't share anything at all, right? We do. So pay attention to that. But anyways, let's talk about the myth that I would really like to address today, which is the third myth that we covered in that PRIME EVENT coaches don't interrupt clients.
(04:09):
Is that true? We never ever interrupt clients at all, and you probably know that in our competencies and also in the PCC markers that you're probably aware of. Yeah, we have very specific points about interruption and yes, as a bottom line, we do not interrupt clients and why? What if the client is so verbose and has lots to share and still we don't interrupt clients? No, the idea is that we don't and we don't interrupt clients because of the simple concept that coaching is their time. Coaching is their time to process. Coaching is their space, and if they need to utilize it to process or to verbalize or to download or say whatever they need to say, it's their time and we are there in the supporting role to support them in processing whatever they need to process. So as a general rule, absolutely, and it's not just in coaching in general.
(05:31):
When we are having a conversation with someone, we want to give the other person the time to process, to think, to verbalize, to express themselves fully. And especially in coaching, we want to give the client complete control out of the time that we are utilizing in the coaching conversation. It's their time to process. Coaching is their space, so we need to keep that in mind very clearly. It's not about what I think it's right or the right way to process, right? Every person has a different way to process and we need to give our clients the time and the space to process in the way that works best for them. So as a general rule, no, we don't interrupt. Our job is to facilitate the process. Our job is to create the space for them to process well. So things that we need to be mindful of, and these are simple rules that oftentimes we talk about at our beginner's level coaching.
(06:48):
Pay attention to these sounds and words that we oftentimes have a habit of bringing to conversations. Yes, okay, sure. These little words write these little words that oftentimes are embedded in our speech and we are not even aware that we are utilizing them and we use them with good intention to show support, to show that we are together, that we are present. However, we have to be aware that these little sounds are interruptions and these little sounds also bring the spotlight on me. My endorsement, my support is important. Now, they would need to put the spotlight on us, let the client speak and let the client speak openly without any interruptions whatsoever. That's the best way. However, here is where we are going to uncover the myth here. The coaches don't interrupt. Ever. Remember when I said that our job is to facilitate the processing?
(08:19):
Our job is to create the space for the client to intentionally process. Our expertise is on how well we are able to create the framework for the client to have this intentional process. So that's where the gray area comes, and that's why we as coaches need to be to have our listening skills, the presence, our paying attention, very keen, very, very refined because there are times when the client may be speaking and they may start getting lost in their own thought process and they are not able to connect the dots or they are not able to move forward. They are speaking in circles. There may be moments like these where an intentional and appropriate interruption can be of tremendous support to the client's thought process. I wrote in a blog post a couple of years ago, and then I published the blog post again at the PRIME EDGE blog www.primecoachingacademy.com that I highly encourage you to read.
(09:57):
It's called the Verbose Client, and in that blog post I mentioned that there are two kinds of clients when it comes to language. One is when it comes to being verbose. One is a client that is verbose and has a lot to say, but you can clearly notice that they're making progress. They are speaking a lot, but they are moving from point A to point B to point C, and you can see that they are constructing things inside of themselves, that they are inside of their minds, they are building, they are clarifying, and it makes sense to them. It's being very helpful for them to say the things that they are saying, and clearly they need to say all of the things that they're saying, even though it seems that they're saying a lot, but it's making sense. These clients absolutely still stay away. Don't interrupt at all.
(11:09):
Let them do the work that's fantastic that they are moving forward. That's fantastic that they are saying all the things that they are saying and they are creating for themselves the clarity, the understanding that they need. Fantastic, fabulous. Let them go. Sometimes there are clients, and you probably have experience with some of them, that they say something and they start repeating themselves or they start going in circles, and then they go to point A and then they go to point B, then they go to point Z, and then they go to point A again and they keep bouncing back and forth and they actually confusing themselves in all of that. They are saying, and in fact, that sometimes they don't even know how to stop and how to wrap up and pause themselves. They just keep talking because they somehow in their system, they believe that the more they talk, somehow they are going to find a way out of that rabbit hole that they created for themselves. Well, in these moments, I do believe that it is our job actually to support them. Remember, our job as coaches is to facilitate the process. Our job is to create the framework to create the structure, to give a space, an intentional space for the client to process intentionally. So if the client is going in so many directions and they are getting lost with themselves, I believe it is our job to go there and support.
(13:04):
But then there is a way. There is, is the question of how are we going to support, how are we going to interrupt? It's not just interrupting and being rude or jeopardizing trust and safety, but it's interrupting in a way to support. We are doing that intentionally. We know that we are doing this and we are doing this for the client. We are not doing this because we are impatient or because we have something to say or because it's our time. The client already spoke and I'm going to go in and I'm going to fix the problem. If we have all of this mindset behind the interruption, that's not coaching. But if we are there to give a helping hand to support the client in anchoring themselves, that's fantastic. That's different, and I hope that you understand this distinction interrupting for our sake and interrupting for the client's sake, for truly the client's sake. And we need to be mindful because oftentimes we have that good intention, oh, I'm doing this to support them. But in reality, we are doing this because we want to support them in arriving at the way that we want to go. That's not supporting them, that is manipulating the situation for them to do the process in the way we believe that they are supposed to do. That's not coaching. So there are ways, and there are moments when I believe that interruption is appropriate.
(14:51):
Not often, but there are moments that interruptions are appropriate and there are ways to do it. So ways to do it is we can be very sincere. Can I pause you for a second here? You've said a lot of things here, and I'm getting confused. We can even say that, right? I'd love to say you said this word and you said that, what does that mean? There are ways that we can interrupt and in support of the client, and the client is going to be even glad that we help them. There are ways that if you are even in zoom or face-to-face with a client, even your body language can give the client a signal that there is something here and perhaps pause sometimes, maybe the and yeses can be used intentionally to support the client into stopping for themselves. So my suggestion here is for you to play with this as usual, right?
(16:12):
I'm always encouraging you to experiment. Notice the distinction between verbose clients. What's truly happening here? Is this person making sense? Is this person creating insight and awareness for themselves? Let them go. Is this person going in circles? Am I going to interrupt? Then the next thing that you need to pay attention is what is my intention? What is the mindset that I am carrying when I perhaps go and interrupt that person? Make sure that you are grounded in the coaching mindset and you're not interrupting for your sake because what you believe to be, but you're interrupting to support and support really the person. That's a tricky awareness to have as a coach and then experiment if you decide after all of this, if you decide to interrupt experimental on how you're going to do it in a way that is supportive and not jeopardizing, trust and safety. Okay? A couple of tips there for you to play with it, but the myth here is that yes, sometimes we do interrupt. It's not the clients. The coaches never interrupt whatsoever, but there is a way to do it. All right, everyone, thank you so much for listening. Don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to share this episode to others. Please write a review for us on Spotify or Apple Podcast or YouTube. It would be wonderful to hear from you. Okay, and I will talk to you next time. Take good care.
© PRIME Coaching, LLC
