Welcome to PRIME SPACE, a PRIME Coaching Academy podcast with your host, Elias Scultori.
Elias Scultori, MCC (00:16):
Coaches, today I would like to continue with the series "Coaching Myths Uncovered." You probably remember a few months ago, Amy and I did an event called "Coaching Myths Uncovered," and in that event we covered eight myths in one hour, and it was a lot of information in just a short period of time. So I decided to create this series here in PRIME SPACE to talk about each one of those myths, and this is one of them. I'd love to address this one in particular and highly encourage you to look back at past episodes to check some of the other myths that I have discussed a little further and fleshed out a little bit more than when we had the event. You can also, by the way, watch the whole event on our YouTube channel, so please go to YouTube and check "Coaching Myths uncovered." Please subscribe to that YouTube channel and let us know what you think of that particular event and your thoughts on each one of these myths.
(01:30):
But anyways, today the myth that I would like to cover is in coaching we never talk about the past. Is that true? What do you think? We hear this oftentimes in coach training, sometimes even from more advanced coaches. We have this concept of this myth that the past is a no-no zone. We don't go there, and I'm not sure if that is correct and here are some of the thoughts for you to consider. Usually this idea that we don't talk about the past or we don't address the past or the past is never allowed in a coaching conversation. Or if the past shows up, oh, maybe we're not doing coaching anymore. Maybe this is therapy. It is usually that is because of a somewhat simplistic way of defining coaching, and you've probably heard this many times saying that coaching is the present and moving forward, and there is nothing wrong with this definition. Yes, we want to see who the client is today, what is happening with the client today so that the client is able to decide or make choices for them, more intentional for them to move forward. Absolutely true. But even in this definition, let's dissect this definition a little bit more, right? The present, moving forward, what is the present?
(03:17):
Who is our client in this moment? Our client is who they are in this moment. This moment is a collection of everything that happened in the past. So the present in itself has past in it. It's inevitable. We are today here and we showed up in this moment the way we are because of everything that brought us here. So the past come with us everywhere we go, it's inevitable. So if we are addressing the present, inevitably directly or indirectly, we are addressing the past. So it's an illusion to think that no, we never talk about the past because just by addressing the present we are in fact addressing the past in some fashion. The other thing to consider, and sometimes this myth shows up, is because of a very transactional approach to coaching. This is the problem. What is the solution? This is the issue.
(04:29):
What are we going to do about it? But coaching is much deeper than a transactional aspect of it. That's a rudimentary view of the proposition of coaching, and I've talked extensively about this, continue to talk about it. I'm passionate about it. Coaching is developmental. We are there to support the client in broadening their awareness of who they are today, how they are interacting with their situation. So they are more equipped to design a way on how they want to proceed. It's about broadening awareness. It's about deepening the client's understanding of who they are, how they are situating themselves with the issues or what life brings to them. That is what coaching is about, is the client opening their horizon and seeing themselves more broadly and growing from understanding more of what is truly happening, bringing more conscious and awareness of the present so that they can move forward.
(05:46):
Who am I? How did I get here? What are my values? What makes me respond to these situations in this particular fashion? What makes this important than that? This is what coaching is all about, and this is a very holistic process. We can't look at just a situation here in solving the problem because then we are not coaching the person. We are coaching a situation, and that is so circumstantial because the situation may change, but the person is going to be the same, and if the intrinsic forces have not been addressed, the client is going to have similar situations and similar difficulties moving forward. That's why we address the whole of the individual because everything that shows up in a person, humans are complex and everything is interconnected. There is a web of things, bringing that individual to respond and to be in that present moment in that particular fashion.
(06:59):
So emotions, limiting beliefs, assumptions, creativity, intuition, ways that the client perceives the world, aspirations, values, past experiences, all of this contributes to this level of deep exploration with a client. So the past is part of it, it's just yet another item. We perceive that sometimes when we talk about that no, no coaching is we don't go there. It's because we are perceiving the past as problematic that the past is problematic. Well, if I look at my past, I would say that 9% of my past was good, and I hope that yours was two. We had problems, we had issues, we had difficult periods of our lives, but there were many wonderful things that we were blessed to have and that's why we are here. So there is this perception that the past is problematic. It's a very unilateral way of looking at it. The past can be rich and the past can be very informative.
(08:24):
The past can be a valuable resource for the client. The client may look at the past and say, oh, this wasn't an issue back then. What happened there? So why is it an issue now? What can I learn from my past experience that will inform me today? So the past can be a valuable, resourceful and exciting part of exploration depending on the situation with the client. I, the distinction here, and the reason why we have this myth in the coaching world is because it's important for us to notice the distinction between the past being informative, the past being resourceful, and when the client is hooked on something there in the past and the client does not have the resources to unhook themselves and move forward. That is something that's a unique situation that we need to be very mindful of. Sometimes the client may even come to a coaching conversation, notice something that they're still holding on to, and then just by realizing that the client is able to let go of it, so awesome, let's move forward.
(09:50):
But if the client goes there and the client sees that they are hooked and they are unable to move forward, they're unable to resolve that particular situation so that they are free to move forward, then that is the case that perhaps a different professional would be more helpful and supportive to them than the coaching process. Just recently, just a quick story here. Recently I had a client, such a beautiful process here. We have worked together for a few years and I noticed that there were things about upbringing, family systems that once in a while would come in the conversation and it would pop up and we would move on and talk about the coaching situation and blah, blah, blah. But once in a while he would come back again and I was noticing that, but it wasn't interfering with the coaching process. It was just something that would pop up.
(11:01):
I would listen to it and the client would move on. One day the client came and said, oh, I started working with a counselor and I was like, oh, that's wonderful. And I acknowledged that and we talked about it and we continued with coaching and I've worked with clients that worked in parallel with a psychotherapist and myself as a coach together. And it's always a beautiful process as long as the psychotherapist and the counselor are aware of what we are doing together. I had a client a long time ago that said that it was the triad of support for him. It was a beautiful process. This client in particularly more recently one day came to me and said, Elias, I think I need to pause coaching so that I address this situation and I supported that particular client wholeheartedly and that person is taking care of it.
(12:03):
And the plan is that in a few months, we are going to look and see if it's time to resume coaching. And this is beautiful, right? It's the development of the person. This particular client had an awareness and they were able to go into that decision for themselves and in fact, the coaching process supported them in making that particular decision. So this is when we need to be mindful of the nature of the past, when the past shows up, how the past is showing up, and if we notice that the client is hooked on something and not able to, doesn't have the resources to free themselves from that and move forward. Perhaps it's time to make an observation. I noticed this is showing up and it seems to be a little bit beyond the scope of coaching. What are your thoughts on this? Let the client just notice it and bring it to the client because then the client is able give the client the chance to make a decision.
(13:18):
Who would be able to better help you in this situation? Give the client that opportunity to do that? One thing that is very important for us to keep in mind is that we are not skilled unless you have the skill, unless you are a counselor or a psychotherapist. We as coaches alone, we don't have the skills to diagnose anyone, and it's not for us to do that. We raise the issue and we raise the awareness that it seems that this is beyond the coaching scope. Who can help you here? What are the possibilities here? What would you like to address and support the client in making the best decision for themselves? Okay, so I would encourage you, don't be afraid of any of the parts of our clients, including the past. There are so many resources and possibilities right there with the client in all of these aspects, in everything that the client brings to the table and who the client is in their totality and be excited about it. Pay attention to the distinction. If that little point of being hooked, it shows up, support the client, be curious about it, and invite the client into a decision for themselves in that particular situation.
(14:47):
Okay, I hope this is helpful. Play with it. I am always asking you to experiment and play with these concepts because this is so valuable and that's how we learn and how we grow as coaches. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast. Don't forget to send us a little review. It's always so wonderful to have a review. We haven't had a review in a while, so I would love to have a review in our podcast. Don't forget to also subscribe to our YouTube channel. Lots of resources there. And we are going to continue to put a lot of resources there in our YouTube channel. So visit our YouTube channel and subscribe to it as well. And I will see you next time. Everyone enjoy coaching.
